|Me and Jim in a rare happy moment a year after Joshua's death|
It has been over a decade since Joshua died by suicide. What I have learned so far is that God will never leave me. Horrific things happen, but that does not mean God forsakes us in the difficulty. As I’ve shown you through the true account after the loss of my son, the Lord has weaved blessings through my heart to ease the sorrow.
Living in the house for four more years after Joshua’s death was the hardest part next to the loss of my son. I truly believed I would not survive. I had many serious talks with God, asking Him why He was making me stay in the home where Joshua died. It’s a true saying that God’s timing is always perfect, and the day came when our house sold and we could move.
God allowed me to teeter on the edge before our house sold, and one bleak night I almost joined Joshua in death. But something stopped me from ending my life. That something is called LOVE, God’s love. And afterward, as I lay in my bed sobbing the rest of that night, the stubborn part of me was emptied out with every teardrop.
I surrendered my spirit to God.
I understood later that He could then begin to reshape me. The woman God has wanted to me to be—me needing Him for everything. A new me: A not-so-capable, not such a know-it-all Jean, but a simple Jean.
I’m now a woman who prays without ceasing—meaning, off and on throughout my days.
What has gotten easier over the years is the grieving. Now I don’t cry all the time, even though my heart still aches for Joshua. Often, I can even talk about him without sobbing. What is still the same is my heart knows when I wake each morning that someone special is missing in my life. That my world still doesn’t feel right.
Even that pain gets less and less, dear readers, for each morning before I rise, I count the blessings God has given to me while I meet Him with a prayer on my lips.
God bless each of you who took the time to read parts of this book. My hope is that these words have blessed you and helped you to grow in our Lord.
In the near future, at God’s timing, this book will be published. Please join me in prayer for this story’s upcoming project.
Thank you, holy Father. In Jesus’s name, I’m grateful.
“He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt though trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”